Walking With You

Walking With You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. If you haven't joined us yet, and would like to, you are more than welcome. This week, we are sharing the impact our loss(es) had on our marriage.

When we found out we were pregnant with out little angel, my hubby and I were young a newly married. I was 18 and he was 24. We had only been married for 4 months. Total shock ran over us when we gut that plus sign on the test.
We only got 3 days of happiness and then our world came crashing down. I knew something was wrong that Sunday, when I woke up and I had unbearable cramps. Hubby was at work and I called him and told him something was wrong. I told him I was going to wait it out a lil bit and see if I started bleeding.
A few hours later the bleeding started and my mom took me to the hospital. On the way, we stopped at my hubby's work. I wanted him so badly to come with us and he was going to. Then my mom told him that we would call him if needed and to just stay.
At the hospital I was in so much pain (mentally and physically). I just wanted him to be there and to hold me. I was allowed out of the bed and no one would go call him. Even though it wasn't his fault that he wasn't there I blamed him for it. He wasn't there for me when I needed him most. I held that against him for nearly 2 years. I never told him how I had felt about it until nearly two years later. It mad it hard on us because I was secretly mad at him, until we talked through it.
After we miscarried I wanted a baby so bad. I tried so hard and month after month the test were negative. I turned our love making into a chore or a job. I didn't enjoy it any more. The only thing I wanted out of it was a baby. That really wound up putting a strain on out relationship to.
When we finally did get pregnant again (9 months later), sex just wasn't fun any more. I had changed it for us and it just wasn't the same. Since it wasn't fun, I never wanted it any more. We would get in fights over it because I didn't even want to be touched. It even led him to go astray(after nearly 3 years) and look for the wanted feeling on the internet and with ex girl friends who still pined over him.
We finally sat down and talked about all of it (this has been in the last 6 months). Our marriage was in a down hill spiral and spinning out of control fast. Luckily one thing we have always been good at is communication. After talking and working things out, everything is finally on the mind. We are finally happy again.
For those who are new on this journey, I want to tell you to communicate with your spouses. It is a key factor. Also, dont do what I did and try so hard for a baby that you take the enjoyment out. That is a hard mistake to fix.
All in all though, I think it has brought us a lot closer together and closer to God. It has also made our marriage stronger (even if it almost tore us apart first)

Whats been going on?

Not a lot really. Lets see....Friday night Charlie, the kids and I decided to go to the drive in to see a movie. Boy was that a disaster.
We get there. Unload the kids and raise the back so that we can sit in there and still see the movie. All Eli wanted to do was crawl into the front seat and honk the horn and turn knobs. We finally got him occupied with the movie and ten minutes in, it went to another language and was flipped upside down. We waited and waited for it to get fixed, when finally a guy came around and said it may take all night and that we could get a refund. That was fun also. We loaded the kids back up and had to wait in a long line of cars to get to the ticket booth.
Saturday was my birthday. I am so luckily to have a few good friends and a great hubby. One of my friends drove an hour after she got off work. (at 8pm) to bring me a cake and hang out. We had a blast. Another life long friend came over and they took me out for a drink, while Charlie watched the kids. I can't believe I am already 22!
Sunday was pretty uneventful. We went to the in laws (are usual routine) and hung out for the day. The kids played with their cousins and Papa. While the adults sat around and caught up.
Monday was just like any other Monday. Charlie went to work and the kids and I stayed home. When he got off work we went to church. It was very interesting sermon. They guy the wrote "23 Minutes in Hell" was there and spoke. I really enjoyed it.
Yesterday we did absolutely nothing. Just another boring weekday.

Well I think I have got everyone caught up. Tomorrow Eli goes in for preop and they will tell us what time his surgery is. Tonight Charlie and I are gonna go out with a few friends and have some us time. I don't really know what is going on the rest of the week. I think we have a bbq to go to on Sunday to celebrate my lil sisters birthday and then Sunday cake and ice cream to celebrate mine and my father in-laws.

Read With us

This book reading is for In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me by Lynnette Kraft.


Have you ever been at a loss for words when trying to comfort another? If you've endured a loss, in what ways have people shown you they cared? How have you shown others you care?

I am always at a loss for words when I am talking to someone in pain. I just dont know what to say. I want to help them, but I am also afraid of saying something wrong or offending them. I usually just tell them I am sorry and that I will pray for them.

When I lost my first baby, people tried to help me. Most of the time it only made me feel worse. People would say things like "It was for the better." or "Something was apparently wrong with it." I always though, "How can it be for the better." or " I would still have loved he/she, even if something was wrong." Its a tough road to walk. Sometimes I think that just saying you are there for them ( and following through) is all that needs to be said.

What fears do you have that you feel you should give to God?

I am always fearful that I will lose another baby. I know that if that is to happen that God wanted that baby with him and has a purpose for it.

Walking With You- The Sea of Grief

Walking With You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. Thank you to those of you who have joined us for the past few weeks...for courageously sharing your stories. If you haven't joined us yet, and would like to, you are more than welcome. This week, we are sharing our first steps into the sea of grief.

After I found out I lost my baby all I could do was cry. For the first week I just laid in bed and cried. I wouldn't eat and hardly came out. The second week I decided to go back to school. Every time something would come up about a baby, I would start crying in the class. I hated going to the mall, because I would cry when a pregnant woman would walk by or when I would see a little baby. It took a little while to be able to endure pregnancy and babies. It has been 3 years and 2 babies later and I still have days when I will remember that day and break down and cry. I dont think it is something that will ever heal completely.

The Kiddos Doc Appointments Yesterday

Elijah has has around 6 ear infections since Christmas and Amelia has had a bump on the side of her face since three weeks., so the doctor sent us to an ENT. We had that appointment yesterday. They checked Eli's ears and said that he needed tubes, because all these ear infections could cause damage. Then they checked Amelia's bump. They said that it isnt affecting anything and should start to get smaller. They dont want to mess with it yet, because there is a tiny nerve that runs under it and if they cut it, it would paralyze her face. We have to take her back in 3 months and if it has gotten bigger they will send us to a specialist. Eli's surgery is set for August 3rd. Keep him in your thoughts that day.

Vacation

This Wednesday's Walk was about your favorite vacation.

Charlie and I have been married 3 years and never really been on a vacation. We have never had money and our kids are too little to really enjoy it yet. We did got to OKC last year with my mom and little sister and that was pretty fun. We spend a day at Frontier City, a day at White Water, and a day at Bricktown. Here are some pictures from that.

Lynette's Book Chapter 2

Do you have a funny experience to share? What are some of the silly or stupid things you did?

When Eli was a few days old, I was changing him in the hospital. I had him propped on a pillow so that I could reach him better. (I had had a c section) I had just taken his diaper off and was fixing to put the other one under him when he sneezed. That sneeze made him poop and pee all over me. I was laughing so hard that I peed myself. (I hadnt regained control over my bladder yet) My hubby just thouht funniest thing ever and started laughing. In return, guess what I did...laughed and peed some more.


Has there been a time in your life that you felt the world was falling apart?
The day I found out I was miscarrying was the worst day of my life. I dont know if I really felt it was crumbling, but it definitely wasnt how I wanted it to be. I didnt lean on God to get through it. (I wasnt established on that path yet). I wasnt mad at him either though. I just knew she/he was going to heaven and would be alright.

Has God ever worked a miracle in your life or in the life of someone you know?Has God ever worked a miracle in your life or in the life of someone you know?
God has worked many miracles in my life. I may not have seen them at the time but he has. I don't have one big one.

How has difficult times affected your marriage?
When Charlie and I miscarried I kind of blamed him for it. I was so upset that he wasnt there for me at the hospital.( It wasnt his fault. My mom told me we could call if needed) I never wanted to tell him that so, i just kept it to myself until recently. After letting it out, things got so much better. It also damaged are intimate life. I tried so hard to have another one after losing our baby, it put a damper on our love life.

What fears have you struggled with? What fears have you struggled with?
After miscarrying, I fear that I will again every time I get pregnant. I am scared up until I have them. I am still scared that something will happen even after they are born.

Do you feel that God has a plan for your life?
I do feel he has a plan for me and my family. He has a plan for eveyone. I am just not sure what that plan is yet.

What has been the hardest moment of your life so far? I have never had to hand my child over after delivering. I guess the hardest thing for my was going home to wait for my baby to pass. The pain from that physically was worse than labor or anything I had endured. The emotional pain was even worse.