Sunday, May 23, 2010


I am about to break down. I am tired of living in a run down house with no water, falling in floors, and tremendous amounts of work to be done. When we decided to move in here we though that the fixing up process would at least be started by now. Its hard to raise a family in a house like this. I just want a clean and semi nice place to live. I am having mixed feelings of whether I want them to fix the house up or not anyway. If they do we will be tied to this house for 20 yrs. That means we can't move or anything.

I am tired of living in a small town with nothing to do. There is nothing for the kids. I want to live where there are play dates and activities. I want to live in a place where there is work and opportunity for improvement. Here there is nothing. Chalrie already works for about the best paying job in his field. Really in town, besides the few factories that are still open.

I am tired of having no privacy. I love my mom and little sister, but I am tired of living with them. I want to have a place of my own. I want to be able to do stuff when I want and what I want, without having to report in. In the 4 yrs Charlie and I have been married, we have lived with parents about 3 of them.

I am tired of being late every month and every test coming out negative. I either want to be on time or pregnant. The disappointment every time I take a test is getting to me. I have mixed feeling about everything now though. I don't really want to bring a baby home to this house, but I am ready for another one and no telling how long this house project is going to take.

I am just ready for something to break through. Everything is getting to me at once. I look around at everything and its like we aren't getting anywhere with anything.


  1. I hope things will turn around for you!!

  2. Praying for you so much.