Walking With You

Walking With You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. If you haven't joined us yet, and would like to, you are more than welcome. This week, we are sharing the impact our loss(es) had on our marriage.

When we found out we were pregnant with out little angel, my hubby and I were young a newly married. I was 18 and he was 24. We had only been married for 4 months. Total shock ran over us when we gut that plus sign on the test.
We only got 3 days of happiness and then our world came crashing down. I knew something was wrong that Sunday, when I woke up and I had unbearable cramps. Hubby was at work and I called him and told him something was wrong. I told him I was going to wait it out a lil bit and see if I started bleeding.
A few hours later the bleeding started and my mom took me to the hospital. On the way, we stopped at my hubby's work. I wanted him so badly to come with us and he was going to. Then my mom told him that we would call him if needed and to just stay.
At the hospital I was in so much pain (mentally and physically). I just wanted him to be there and to hold me. I was allowed out of the bed and no one would go call him. Even though it wasn't his fault that he wasn't there I blamed him for it. He wasn't there for me when I needed him most. I held that against him for nearly 2 years. I never told him how I had felt about it until nearly two years later. It mad it hard on us because I was secretly mad at him, until we talked through it.
After we miscarried I wanted a baby so bad. I tried so hard and month after month the test were negative. I turned our love making into a chore or a job. I didn't enjoy it any more. The only thing I wanted out of it was a baby. That really wound up putting a strain on out relationship to.
When we finally did get pregnant again (9 months later), sex just wasn't fun any more. I had changed it for us and it just wasn't the same. Since it wasn't fun, I never wanted it any more. We would get in fights over it because I didn't even want to be touched. It even led him to go astray(after nearly 3 years) and look for the wanted feeling on the internet and with ex girl friends who still pined over him.
We finally sat down and talked about all of it (this has been in the last 6 months). Our marriage was in a down hill spiral and spinning out of control fast. Luckily one thing we have always been good at is communication. After talking and working things out, everything is finally on the mind. We are finally happy again.
For those who are new on this journey, I want to tell you to communicate with your spouses. It is a key factor. Also, dont do what I did and try so hard for a baby that you take the enjoyment out. That is a hard mistake to fix.
All in all though, I think it has brought us a lot closer together and closer to God. It has also made our marriage stronger (even if it almost tore us apart first)

Whats been going on?

Not a lot really. Lets see....Friday night Charlie, the kids and I decided to go to the drive in to see a movie. Boy was that a disaster.
We get there. Unload the kids and raise the back so that we can sit in there and still see the movie. All Eli wanted to do was crawl into the front seat and honk the horn and turn knobs. We finally got him occupied with the movie and ten minutes in, it went to another language and was flipped upside down. We waited and waited for it to get fixed, when finally a guy came around and said it may take all night and that we could get a refund. That was fun also. We loaded the kids back up and had to wait in a long line of cars to get to the ticket booth.
Saturday was my birthday. I am so luckily to have a few good friends and a great hubby. One of my friends drove an hour after she got off work. (at 8pm) to bring me a cake and hang out. We had a blast. Another life long friend came over and they took me out for a drink, while Charlie watched the kids. I can't believe I am already 22!
Sunday was pretty uneventful. We went to the in laws (are usual routine) and hung out for the day. The kids played with their cousins and Papa. While the adults sat around and caught up.
Monday was just like any other Monday. Charlie went to work and the kids and I stayed home. When he got off work we went to church. It was very interesting sermon. They guy the wrote "23 Minutes in Hell" was there and spoke. I really enjoyed it.
Yesterday we did absolutely nothing. Just another boring weekday.

Well I think I have got everyone caught up. Tomorrow Eli goes in for preop and they will tell us what time his surgery is. Tonight Charlie and I are gonna go out with a few friends and have some us time. I don't really know what is going on the rest of the week. I think we have a bbq to go to on Sunday to celebrate my lil sisters birthday and then Sunday cake and ice cream to celebrate mine and my father in-laws.

Read With us

This book reading is for In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me by Lynnette Kraft.


Have you ever been at a loss for words when trying to comfort another? If you've endured a loss, in what ways have people shown you they cared? How have you shown others you care?

I am always at a loss for words when I am talking to someone in pain. I just dont know what to say. I want to help them, but I am also afraid of saying something wrong or offending them. I usually just tell them I am sorry and that I will pray for them.

When I lost my first baby, people tried to help me. Most of the time it only made me feel worse. People would say things like "It was for the better." or "Something was apparently wrong with it." I always though, "How can it be for the better." or " I would still have loved he/she, even if something was wrong." Its a tough road to walk. Sometimes I think that just saying you are there for them ( and following through) is all that needs to be said.

What fears do you have that you feel you should give to God?

I am always fearful that I will lose another baby. I know that if that is to happen that God wanted that baby with him and has a purpose for it.

Walking With You- The Sea of Grief

Walking With You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. Thank you to those of you who have joined us for the past few weeks...for courageously sharing your stories. If you haven't joined us yet, and would like to, you are more than welcome. This week, we are sharing our first steps into the sea of grief.

After I found out I lost my baby all I could do was cry. For the first week I just laid in bed and cried. I wouldn't eat and hardly came out. The second week I decided to go back to school. Every time something would come up about a baby, I would start crying in the class. I hated going to the mall, because I would cry when a pregnant woman would walk by or when I would see a little baby. It took a little while to be able to endure pregnancy and babies. It has been 3 years and 2 babies later and I still have days when I will remember that day and break down and cry. I dont think it is something that will ever heal completely.

The Kiddos Doc Appointments Yesterday

Elijah has has around 6 ear infections since Christmas and Amelia has had a bump on the side of her face since three weeks., so the doctor sent us to an ENT. We had that appointment yesterday. They checked Eli's ears and said that he needed tubes, because all these ear infections could cause damage. Then they checked Amelia's bump. They said that it isnt affecting anything and should start to get smaller. They dont want to mess with it yet, because there is a tiny nerve that runs under it and if they cut it, it would paralyze her face. We have to take her back in 3 months and if it has gotten bigger they will send us to a specialist. Eli's surgery is set for August 3rd. Keep him in your thoughts that day.

Vacation

This Wednesday's Walk was about your favorite vacation.

Charlie and I have been married 3 years and never really been on a vacation. We have never had money and our kids are too little to really enjoy it yet. We did got to OKC last year with my mom and little sister and that was pretty fun. We spend a day at Frontier City, a day at White Water, and a day at Bricktown. Here are some pictures from that.

Lynette's Book Chapter 2

Do you have a funny experience to share? What are some of the silly or stupid things you did?

When Eli was a few days old, I was changing him in the hospital. I had him propped on a pillow so that I could reach him better. (I had had a c section) I had just taken his diaper off and was fixing to put the other one under him when he sneezed. That sneeze made him poop and pee all over me. I was laughing so hard that I peed myself. (I hadnt regained control over my bladder yet) My hubby just thouht funniest thing ever and started laughing. In return, guess what I did...laughed and peed some more.


Has there been a time in your life that you felt the world was falling apart?
The day I found out I was miscarrying was the worst day of my life. I dont know if I really felt it was crumbling, but it definitely wasnt how I wanted it to be. I didnt lean on God to get through it. (I wasnt established on that path yet). I wasnt mad at him either though. I just knew she/he was going to heaven and would be alright.

Has God ever worked a miracle in your life or in the life of someone you know?Has God ever worked a miracle in your life or in the life of someone you know?
God has worked many miracles in my life. I may not have seen them at the time but he has. I don't have one big one.

How has difficult times affected your marriage?
When Charlie and I miscarried I kind of blamed him for it. I was so upset that he wasnt there for me at the hospital.( It wasnt his fault. My mom told me we could call if needed) I never wanted to tell him that so, i just kept it to myself until recently. After letting it out, things got so much better. It also damaged are intimate life. I tried so hard to have another one after losing our baby, it put a damper on our love life.

What fears have you struggled with? What fears have you struggled with?
After miscarrying, I fear that I will again every time I get pregnant. I am scared up until I have them. I am still scared that something will happen even after they are born.

Do you feel that God has a plan for your life?
I do feel he has a plan for me and my family. He has a plan for eveyone. I am just not sure what that plan is yet.

What has been the hardest moment of your life so far? I have never had to hand my child over after delivering. I guess the hardest thing for my was going home to wait for my baby to pass. The pain from that physically was worse than labor or anything I had endured. The emotional pain was even worse.

Fun Filled Weekend.

This weekend we all had a blast. Saturday we got up and went to Tulsa to celebrate my birthday(Its not til the 25th but this was pay day weekend). We to Eli to the splash pas and he absolutely loved it.




After the splash pad we went to Los Cabos for dinner. One of my friends from OKC met us there on their was through.


After we ate we went and listened to a band play and walked the river. Eli wanted to play in a splash pad there so he did.

Dont we all wish every day could be like this?

Good News

Monday I had the IUD removed. It was causing too many problems. Hubby and I decided to just go with NFP. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that I am not the next one on the list for pregnant again. LOL I wouldn't mind having another one already, I just dont want to hear it from the parents. (Even thought I am 21 and married).

While I we were there they made me take a pregnancy test.(It was negative). They were also testing a new box to make sure they were working. I told them that would be a mean trick to play on someone. They nurse said that one of the nurses used to do that to young girls all the time. I said that my hubby would probably flip. The nurse then asked me if I want to take it out to my hubby in the waiting room. I told her I couldnt do it without laughing. She then said she felt like being mean today and asked me what hubbys name was. I told her and she went out there to tell him. She came back disappointed because she didnt get a reaction out of him. All he said was " Oh well, I half expected it anyway."

Since having it out I am already feeling better. My headaches have gone away and I am not as moody.

Walking With You

Well, I dont have a lot to say on this one. I never named my baby. He/She left somewhere between 6-8 weeks. I dont know whether what gender the baby was. I have been thinking about giving he/she a name though.

Wednesday Walk

Well, since my birthday is coming up on the 25th, I thought I would talk about my 18th birthday.

It was a Monday afternoon, in July of 2005 and when my boyfriend(now hubby) got off work, he came by to pick me up. I had been getting ready all day and was so excited to go out. We went to Tulsa (about an hour from home)to eat and go to dinner. We ate at the Elephant Grill(Which had already gone out of business.) and to see The Island at the Imax.
After the dinner and movie we headed back home. About 15 minutes from home we took a detour into the country, by where is parents live. I was thinking what in the world is going on. He drove us down a dead in dirt road and at the end he turned the pick up around and turned it off. He then told me to get out of the truck. When I got out of the truck he put the tailgate down and told me to look out across the view(We were up on a hill.). You could see the lights from about 5 surrounding towns. It was beautiful. He told me what group of lights where what town and we just sat and talked.
After some time had passes he got off the tailgate and told me to stand up also. All of a sudden he started shaking and I was like oh no.(LOL) He then got down on one knee and asked me to be his. Of course I said yes. He got up and hugged and kissed me. It was wonderful!
Well, if any of you know me very well, I am a mood killer. We sat back on the tailgate and was just looking at the stars and holding hands. Wouldnt you know a cow would start mooing like crazy(It was very annoying). I opened my big mouth and said, "Sounds like that cow hasnt been getting any." He then in reply said, "Way to kill the mood."
To this day when we go out that way to visit the inlaws and we here a cow mooing, I cant help but laugh. That was the best birthday any girl could ever ask for!

Read With Us

If you are married, what was your marriage like in the beginning?

It was crazy and hectic. We were definitely not living for God.


When did you first decide you wanted to have children? Was it planned or unplanned?
We didnt really decide. It happened. My birth control was bothering me so 2 months after we got married I got off of it and was pregnant the next month. I miscarried that one and we tried again for 9 months.

What feelings did you have for your child when you first found out you were pregnant?
I was in complete love with them. I was so excited!

At what point in your life did you start searching for God?
I just started my quest about 7 months ago.


Has there been a time in your life that God provided?
God provides for us every month. Thats the only way we are making it month to month.

Just Another Manic Monday...

and boy do I wish it was Sunday. I hate when Mondays roll around. Hubby goes back to work and it seems like it takes forever for the weekend to roll back around.
This weekend was pretty good. We spent some family time. On Saturday, I just wanted to get out of the house. I have been stuck here pretty much 24/7. We decided to go to Tulsa and just run around. We went to the Verizon store to look at new phones. (I want to get and LG Env Touch). Then we went to the mall and walked around a bit. After that we drove to Nowata and visited some family friends. It was a good day.
Yesterday we just sat around the house. Charlie and I both had homework to do. We got all that caught up and yesterday evening we went to Bible study. After Bible study my mom and little sister came by and took Eli for the night and most of today.
Today I have a doctors appointment and the church this evening. My online classes start today also. (Wish me luck on that. Im gonna need it). The rest of the week is pretty uneventful. I have started my online Bible study though. If you are interseted go Here to check it out.
Well thats about all for now.

Love the Welch's

Doc Day...

Today was Amelia's 4 month and Eli's 18 month Well Baby check up. Amelia weighed 15lbs and Eli weighed 26. Poor Millie got 4 shots in her chunky little legs. I had them check the hematoma on her cheek and they are going to send her to see someone. Eli couldn't get his shots today because he had an ear infection. This is like the 5th one he has had. They are going to send him to an ENT to have everything checked out. Hopefully everything will be ok with both.
As for the rest of the week, it has been pretty boring. Just the same ole, same ole. I'm ready for the weekend, when the hubby will be off work.

A Preciuos Goodbye

Walking With You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. Thank you to those of you who have joined us for the past few weeks...for courageously sharing your stories. If you haven't joined us yet, and would like to, you are more than welcome. This week, we are sharing about saying good-bye and experiencing the memorial service or funeral if applicable. You may visit previous posts by clicking on the Walking With You button above.

This 4th week, we are sharing about saying goodbye and experiencing the memorial service or funeral if applicable.

I never got to say goodbye really. I was only about 8 weeks along, so their was no funeral. I wish I would have though of something to do in remembrance of my child. I do plan on getting a tattoo sometime.

Read With Us

Have there been times in your life that God has shown you that He cares or that He is near?
I'm know that God has been there with me many times through my trials, i have just never realized it before. I am just now becoming in tune with God. I was off the path during most of my trials and I am just now getting back on it.

McLinky

I just happen to love how sweet and innocent my little man looks.

This week, on TUESDAY, 7/7/09, the theme is A FAVORITE PHOTOGRAPH. Post up one of your favorite photographs and a caption that tells the audience about it

Over the weekend...

Saturday was so much better, thank God! We got up and got everything packed for the day. Then we headed to Joplin, MO for Freedom Fest. When we got to Joplin, we went to Toys R Us and bought Eli a bike. Then we went to Target to get picnic food. We then went to the park. Eli played for a while and we listened to music. Then my mom and little sister showed up. A country singer came out and sang for a while and then at 9:45 they started the fireworks. Eli and Amelia loved them!
Sunday we just kind of hung out around the house. I put Eli's bike together while he was napping. When he got up we ate and then he played on his bike for a little while. After that we went to Bible study. That was about the extent of our weekend. Im just glad I got out of the house and was feeling a little better!

One of those days...

Have you ever just had one of those days where you want to scream, cry, throw or hit something. Well, today is one of those days for me. I spent the morning trying to figure out the bills. Figuring out what I could pay and couldnt pay and utilities not get cut off. Then after paying the bills and getting the necessary diapers, wipes, toilet paper, ect., I noticed we had $100 to last the next 2 weeks. While I payed the bills my little sis stayed with the kids.
I get home and decide to eat some ice cream (that I had just bought yesterday)and find that there is only a scoop left. Hubby and I had only had one bowl each. Then my mom and little sis decide that they are going to eat supper her. They warm up there supper and leave a mess everywhere ontop of eating our food.
After I cleaned the kitchen, I started supper for the kids and I. That was a disaster. First, the package says serves 10. Ha! It verily served 3. While cooking it I left the spoon in it, to do something else, and stupid me picked up and burned my hand. Then I burn the food while chasing after my son. I take it off of the stove and stir it. Stupid me again leaves the plasting utensil sitting on the side of the pan and it melts. It has just been one of those day and I am ready for it to be over with.

In Honor of Elijah Lee Welch

Since he will be 18 months on the 5th I put together a slide show for him

Walking With You

I never got to meet my little one. He/She was gone to soon. I wish I would have. I have so many regrets with that loss. (None that I had any control over). I wish they would have kept me in the hospital, not sent me home to lose my baby in the toilet. The doctor that came is was so cold(he honestly tried not to be). He checked me and said that I was in the process of miscarrying. Said sorry and sent me home. No words of encouragement, nothing to help the emotional or physical pain. Just sent home to "lose" my baby. The whole time all I though was I didnt "lose" it, it died.

Cant believe the year is half over...

Where did the first half of the year go? It has flown by so fast! My lil man will soon be 1 1/2 years old and Amelia will be 4 months. Seems nearly impossible!
As for the last few days. Not much new at all. I have been having really bad headaches and mood swings. I think I have even been verging on the edge of depression. I think I have found the culprit though. I think the Mirena I had put in after Amelia was born is causing. It is also causing to be overly tired and my hair to fall out. Not good at all. I think hubby and I are going to talk to the doctors about it coming out.
On a brighter note, I can't wait for the 4th of July! We are going to take the kids to Joplin,Mo to a concert and fireworks in the park. We went for the first time last year and had a blast. This year Eli will be old enough to enjoy it, I think.
Well thats about all for now.

Love,
The Welch Family