Thursday, July 30, 2009
Walking With You
Walking With You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. If you haven't joined us yet, and would like to, you are more than welcome. This week, we are sharing the impact our loss(es) had on our marriage.
When we found out we were pregnant with out little angel, my hubby and I were young a newly married. I was 18 and he was 24. We had only been married for 4 months. Total shock ran over us when we gut that plus sign on the test.
We only got 3 days of happiness and then our world came crashing down. I knew something was wrong that Sunday, when I woke up and I had unbearable cramps. Hubby was at work and I called him and told him something was wrong. I told him I was going to wait it out a lil bit and see if I started bleeding.
A few hours later the bleeding started and my mom took me to the hospital. On the way, we stopped at my hubby's work. I wanted him so badly to come with us and he was going to. Then my mom told him that we would call him if needed and to just stay.
At the hospital I was in so much pain (mentally and physically). I just wanted him to be there and to hold me. I was allowed out of the bed and no one would go call him. Even though it wasn't his fault that he wasn't there I blamed him for it. He wasn't there for me when I needed him most. I held that against him for nearly 2 years. I never told him how I had felt about it until nearly two years later. It mad it hard on us because I was secretly mad at him, until we talked through it.
After we miscarried I wanted a baby so bad. I tried so hard and month after month the test were negative. I turned our love making into a chore or a job. I didn't enjoy it any more. The only thing I wanted out of it was a baby. That really wound up putting a strain on out relationship to.
When we finally did get pregnant again (9 months later), sex just wasn't fun any more. I had changed it for us and it just wasn't the same. Since it wasn't fun, I never wanted it any more. We would get in fights over it because I didn't even want to be touched. It even led him to go astray(after nearly 3 years) and look for the wanted feeling on the internet and with ex girl friends who still pined over him.
We finally sat down and talked about all of it (this has been in the last 6 months). Our marriage was in a down hill spiral and spinning out of control fast. Luckily one thing we have always been good at is communication. After talking and working things out, everything is finally on the mind. We are finally happy again.
For those who are new on this journey, I want to tell you to communicate with your spouses. It is a key factor. Also, dont do what I did and try so hard for a baby that you take the enjoyment out. That is a hard mistake to fix.
All in all though, I think it has brought us a lot closer together and closer to God. It has also made our marriage stronger (even if it almost tore us apart first)